Parenting Styles

Written by Rachel Ealy, M.Ed., LPC-Intern

Recently, a lot of parents have shared with me that they feel they should be a “do as I say, because I said so” parent, also known as an authoritarian parent. This is what parents often turn to because they were raised like this, and it might feel like it is the only way to maintain authority. Many parents feel they have to be authoritarian or they are being a pushover. There aren’t many middle grounds in life but I’m here with some good news, in parenting there is a middle ground; authoritative parenting.

Parenting Styles

1.     Authoritarian

·      High expectations

·      Demanding; lacking responsiveness and warmth

·      Strict set of rules

·      Allow little to no open dialogue with children and offer no explanation for the rules

·      Rely on punishment and demand obedience

Here is a list of questions to help you recognize if this is your parenting style:

-Do you have very strict rules that you believe should be followed no matter what?

-Do you often find yourself offering no explanations for the rules other than “Because I said so?”

-Do you give your child few choices and decisions about their own life?

-Do you find yourself utilizing punishment as a means of getting your child to do what you ask?

-Are you reserved in the amount of warmth and nurturing you show your child? (Hughes, 2013).

Research shows that children raised in this environment tend to have lower self-esteem, lack essential social skills necessary for maintaining relationships, and are less able to self-regulate difficult emotions (Hughes, 2013).

2.     Authoritative

·      High but reasonable expectations based on age

·      Supportive and warm

·      Understanding

·      Structure and rules

·      Allows for open dialogue with children and offers an explanation of the rules

Here is a list of questions to help you recognize if this is your parenting style:

-Does your child’s day have structure to it, such as a planned bedtime and understood household rules?

-Are there consequences for disrupting this structure or breaking the household rules?

-Does your child understand the expectations that you have for their behavior, and are these expectations reasonable?

-Do you have a healthy and open line of communication with your child? That is, does your child feel that they can speak to you about anything without fear of negative consequence or harsh judgment? (Hughes, 2013).

Research shows that children raised by authoritative parents tend to be more self-regulated and self-controlled, cooperative, warm and friendly, as well as achievement- oriented (Parenting Styles, n.d.).

I frequently transpose authoritarian and authoritative because of how similar the two words are – although very different parenting styles. Notice the prefix of both parenting styles: authorita – the Latin word for authority. Adopting an authoritative parenting style does not take away your authority as a parent, it simply introduces a component or warmth and open dialogue.

It can be equally challenging on the other end of the spectrum.  Children with too much freedom, not enough structure, or constructive support for their age can have detrimental effects.  This type of parenting is know as permissive parenting.

3.     Permissive

·      Very few and inconsistent rules are set

·      Avoid confrontation

·      Too lenient

·      Lack of structure

·      Very nurturing and loving

Here is a list of questions to help you recognize if this is your parenting style:

-Do you not have set limits or rules for your child? Do you often compromise your rules to accommodate your child’s mood?

-Do you avoid conflict with your child?

-Do you have a willingness to be your child’s best friend rather than their parent?

-Do you often bribe your child to do things with large rewards? (Hughes, 2013).

Research shows that parents of children raised by permissive parents tend to have little to no self-disciple or self-control, are more impulsive, are more insecure due to having a lack of set limits and boundaries, lack essential social skills related to maintaining relationships, lack motivation, struggle with authority, and are more anxious (Hughes, 2019).

If your child is struggling with self esteem, self regulation or anxiety, child counseling could help. Contact us for a free consultation.

References:

Hughes, E. (2013). Types of parenting styles and how to identify yours. Retrieved from file:///Users/RachelEaly/Desktop/Parenting/Types%20of%20Parenting%20Styles%20and%20How%20to%20Identify%20Yours%20%7C%20Developmental%20Psychology%20at%20Vanderbilt.webarchive

Parenting styles. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/parenting-styles