How Dragon Ball Z Helps Me and My Partner Talk about Money

 Written by Helena Lorenz, M.S.W, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Talking about money with one’s partner is never just talking about money. Money can serve as a proxy for a million different things – our work ethic, our values, our expectations of others, our plans for the future, and our visions of ourselves, just to name a few. In other words, the dollars and cents of it all is typically just the tip of the iceberg when we sit down to talk finances with a significant other.

I certainly found this to be true in my own relationship. Though my partner and I are typically very effective and loving communicators, we found ourselves falling into a difficult pattern whenever we would talk about money. The conversation would start out about a simple financial matter, but at some point or another we would lose sight of each other. We’d get entrenched in our own opinions and beliefs, and we’d get defensive and snippy with one another.

One day, during one of these unproductive talks, my partner paused and said, “Whatever we are doing, it’s not working. We need to do some fusion.”

Fusion?

“You know! Fusion! From Dragon Ball Z!?”

I had no idea what he was talking about, but boy oh boy I was intrigued.

During my childhood and now during my adulthood, I am admittedly not someone who has ever been particularly drawn to anime. And thus, I must admit that I have never seen a single episode of Dragon Ball Z. After some quick Googling, I came to learn that it was a Japanese children’s show from the 90s which followed the adventures of Goku, a skilled fighter, who, along with various pals, defended the planet from a wide assortment of menacing creatures.

My partner watched the show religiously as a child, and the “fusion” that he was referring to was what happened when two of the main characters, Goten and Trunks, leaned into one another, linked hands, and magically combined their prodigious fighting powers to overcome an enemy (pictured below for my fellow anime novices). 

My partner was proposing practicing “fusion” because he recognized that what we were missing in our previous conversations about money – a sense of teamwork. We needed a reminder that we were not pitted against one another when we were talking about our finances; we are both working toward a solution as a partnership.

Now, before we talk about anything financially related, we take a moment for fusion. We literally hold our arms up, lean in towards each other, and shake as if we are filled with magical electricity. It’s weird and entirely silly, and it absolutely works for us because we can start out what would typically be a tense discussion on the right foot – it helps infuse a sense of humor, helps us relax, and helps us stay grounded in our teamwork mentality.

It’s entirely possible Dragon Ball Z isn’t the right reference point for you and your partner (I certainly would have never predicted it for myself), but I strongly encourage you to find a playful ritual that works for your relationship. Find a touchstone that you can return to that helps set the tone for any potentially tough conversation. Take a brief moment to laugh, connect, and let the magic of fusion do its thing😊

If money conversations are causing tension in your relationship, contact us to see how couples counseling can support you.