I work with children and parents who often have trouble “pausing”. As humans, our first instinct is to react when a situation arises. When our child is not listening to us, our first instinct is to respond with a demand. It usually sounds something like, “If you don’t _____, I will____”. These reactions, in part, are due to time restraints, stress, and a lack of understanding of what our child’s behavior may be indicating.
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Listening to the behavior and responding to the emotion the child is trying to communicate is the path to fostering emotion regulation.
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Many of us have heard of the book, The Five Love Languages. Couples are the first to buy the book, hoping it will shed light on how to better show love to their partner. Yet, many stop there, and few think about what their child’s love language is. Understanding how your child gives and receives love is important to their emotional development. So, how do we show our children the love they need? First, identify their love language.
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Empathy. The word of the year. We hear about it from researchers, teachers, therapists, and our fellow parents. As humans, we could all use a little more empathy. We often confuse empathy with sympathy. To sympathize is to feel bad for how another is feeling; to empathize is to genuinely sit with another in their feeling. Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another. Today I want to talk about the importance of empathy in parenting.
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We all have those days where kids are running around, and it feels like everything we say goes in one ear and out the other. This usually leads to frustrated kids and even more frustrated parents. Children may insist they didn’t hear us, and parents insist, “I’ve told you ten times!” Communication with children can be hard. Here are a few tips to make it easier.
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This is also known as flexible thinking. Stephanie Madrigal and Michelle Garcia Winner, authors of Superflex: A Superhero Social Thinking Curriculum, use the term Superflex Thinking. Superflex Thinking is defined as, “a flexible thinking pattern in which a person is able to consider different points of view or ways to do something”
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Whether we are parenting, teaching, or nannying, frustrations get the best of us. We find ourselves frustrated with crying children who do not comply with what we say. Out of frustrations come demands such as:
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Anger. Every one feels it, right? Anger can come in small or little doses. We get angry that our plans aren’t turning out the way we had hoped for. Angry that our kids aren’t listening to what we ask them to do. Angry that the ketchup exploded in the refrigerator. But, is anger really what you’re feeling? According to Robert Pluchick, you’re not.
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Last week’s recommended breathing exercise was all about calming unwanted nerves and feelings of anxiety; this week’s is designed to give you a little more pep in your step!
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