Embracing Resistance: Redefining Goals and Resolutions with Compassion

By: Kelley Morgan, M.A. LPC, NCC

The start of a new year carries a special kind of magic. It’s a time when we allow ourselves to dream big, to imagine new possibilities, and to engage in rituals of inspiration. Making vision boards, buying new planners, and crafting ambitious resolutions can feel like tapping into the boundless potential of who we might become. The act of setting goals often feels thrilling—a spark of hope and creativity.

But soon after the initial excitement, many of us encounter resistance. That frustrating, familiar wall between intention and action. It’s a deeply human experience, and yet we often respond to it with self-criticism. We wonder why we can’t just follow through.

What if, instead of fighting resistance or seeing it as proof of our shortcomings, we learned to understand and even embrace it?

Resistance as a Protector

Resistance is often misunderstood. It’s easy to see it as laziness or self-sabotage, but it’s actually a protective part of ourselves. This part learned long ago that resistance could create space where there wasn’t any. It allowed us to feel a sense of control in environments where the expectations and demands of others left little room for our own needs.

Resistance has also shielded us from the sting of shame, the anxiety of failure, and the weight of self-doubt. For many of us, especially in childhood, the structures and goals we were asked to align with were created by others—parents, teachers, authority figures. We learned to lean on those external structures, often at the cost of trusting ourselves to build our own.

The Role of Self-Trust

Self-trust is an essential, yet often overlooked, part of achieving our goals. It’s not just about reaching a specific outcome; it’s about the courage and resilience it takes to forge a path forward, especially when that path is uncertain or imperfect.

When we set goals, we often do so with the specter of perfectionism looming in the background. Perfectionism is shame in disguise, pressuring us to set unrealistic standards and then berating us when we fall short. This creates a painful feedback loop:

1. We set an impossible goal.

2. We fail to meet it.

3. Our inner critic floods us with old, painful narratives—stories about not being enough, about being someone we can’t trust to succeed.

Resistance steps in to protect us from this cycle. It halts our progress not out of malice, but out of care. It doesn’t want us to feel the sting of shame again.

Shifting the Goal

The real work, then, isn’t just about achieving the outcome we’ve set for ourselves—it’s about changing how we relate to resistance. When resistance shows up, it’s a signifier. A moment to pause and notice:

• How am I feeling right now?

• How am I speaking to myself?

• Is the goal I’ve set realistic and kind?

Rather than seeing resistance as an enemy, we can approach it with compassion and curiosity. Resistance doesn’t need to be silenced or defeated; it needs to be understood.

Gentle Compassion and Loving Accountability

By approaching resistance with gentle compassion, we earn its trust. We can say to that protective part of ourselves, “I hear you. I see what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it. But I’m not here to repeat the painful patterns of the past. I’m here to support us in building something new.”

This is where loving accountability comes in. It’s not the harsh, punitive voice of perfectionism. It’s the steady, kind commitment to caring for ourselves—even when it’s hard. Loving accountability reminds us that we don’t need to rely on shame to motivate us. We can pursue our goals because we love ourselves, not because we’re trying to align with an identity or expectation someone else created for us.

Building a New Legacy

When we approach resistance with compassion and self-trust, we build a new legacy. One where we can tolerate the discomfort that comes with change, not because we’re forcing ourselves to perform or conform, but because we’re choosing to care for our minds and bodies.

This year, let’s redefine success. Let’s shift our focus from achieving perfect outcomes to cultivating a kinder relationship with ourselves. Let’s embrace resistance as an ally and guide. After all, the ultimate goal isn’t just to change our behavior—it’s to create a greater quality of life where we feel supported, resilient, and deeply cared for. 

There is no room for using shame as a tool of motivation when the action is born of love. I am sending you patience and confidence this year in your journey that guides you both back to yourself and into your future!Counseling can be a scary step, but we want to make it as easy for you as possible. We have Counseling options in Houston, San Antonio, and virtual counseling! Contact us to learn more.