One Therapist’s Favorite Ways to Beat Anxiety
Written by Steff Brand, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP
San Antonio Lead Therapist
Truth be told, I am not one to listen to music on my drive home from the office. I avoid making phone calls unless I’m notifying my husband of a place to meet or quickly checking in on any errands needed before heading home. Even so, I often try to get these calls completed before I shift into drive. I purposefully do this so that I can use my drive home to reflect on the stressful parts of my day and self-regulate. I do what I can to understand and manage my anxiety before getting home. When I greet my partner at the end of the day, I want it to be an enjoyable experience for us both. I will share about my day so we can feel connected, but I don’t want to re-live my stressors and lose capacity to also hear about his day.
With his extensive research studying couples’ behavior, Dr. John Gottman pushes for partners to end each workday with a six second kiss and twenty-minute stress reducing conversation. It took me a long time to learn the importance of these rituals and I still regress to old habits when stressors get the best of me. This isn’t a blog intended to make it seem like us therapists have it all together. In fact, last week in my personal therapy session, we processed how I often feel like a flake for helping clients manage their stress when I’m not always practicing what I’m preaching in my own life. To my surprise, she offered a glimpse of self-disclosure and said, “ain’t that the truth. I resonate.” I am so glad that modernized therapy allows us clinicians to show our human side if it’s purposeful and doesn’t take away from a client’s experience, because her words really made me feel validated and understood. I wouldn’t have felt the same reassurance from a robotic expert that appears as if they have it all together. So instead, the purpose of this blog is to normalize that we’re all human. We all struggle and feel anxious from time to time. We all make mistakes because of stressors, traumas, hunger, and no good reason at all.
It's so important that you build up an arsenal of coping skills that work best for you when battling anxiety. There is no one size fits all approach for anxiety management and sometimes your choice of weapon is situational. But as a starting point, as someone that specializes in anxiety disorders and has personal experience battling anxiety on the daily, I’ll share three of my favorite methods.
# 1 - Worry About the Actual Problem
In session, I often define anxiety as the fear of the unknown. So often, those worst-case scenarios that our brain concocts far exceed the reality of the problems in front of us. When we give in to this catastrophizing behavior, our reaction doesn’t match the severity of the problem; it matches the severity of something we might never actually encounter in the future. In some ways this protects us. It allows us to prepare and plot against our threats. At the same time, it can be exhausting. It can lead to all sorts of health concerns like, chronic hypervigilance, insomnia, neck and back pain, migraines, and more. Your problem isn’t worth compromising your health. If this sounds relatable, do a body scan, and take note of any tension. Where do you feel it the most? Are there doctors or other professionals that can help you? When is the last time you checked in with them?
Sometimes my clients find value in writing things down. A common intervention I suggest in session involves clients writing down all their worries on a whiteboard. The exercise, in part, serves as a chance to brain dump all the worries floating around in their head. Next, I have them cross off or erase anything that is most likely NOT going to happen. Sometimes clients laugh at the fact that they included certain items on their list because there’s almost no way they will become a reality. Last, for any rational worries, I have them write a few ways to solve or self-regulate in the event they do experience the problem. If their car breaks down, they’ll call the last mechanic they visited and pull from their emergency fund to pay for the expense. If they fail a test, they’ll name their feelings and start studying more in advance for the next one. If their boss criticizes their performance in a meeting, they’ll take some deep breaths, reframe their negative self-talk, and practice verbal self-affirmations. You get the idea. Most of the time, just isolating your fears and coming up with a plan to handle them can really mitigate those ruminating thoughts that suggest you’re not equipped to manage your problems. Try this out and see how it affects your anxious anticipatory processing.
# 2 - Plan a Date
I bet you weren’t expecting this one when you found this blog but hear me out. When those overwhelming, racing thoughts start getting in the way of you living your best life, set up fun and playful dates. Date your spouse. Date your Bumble crush. Date your friends. DON’T go to dinner and talk about your problems. Save those for your dedicated worry time or next session with your therapist. DO connect with your youth. Laugh as much as you can. Paint something for your home even if you have no experience with art. Splurge on a pair of rollerblades and see how much ground you can cover in your neighborhood. Play hide and seek with your cars around town and text clues of where the other person might find you. Find a temporary distraction. It isn’t avoidance; it’s a chance for your anxious brain to rest and recharge so you can be better prepared to manage your anxiety later.
# 3 - Get Some Vitamin D
Vitamin D is so underrated. In her newly published book, The Anatomy of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body’s Fear Response, Dr. Ellen Vora includes monitoring vitamin D levels as one of her top recommendations for her patients. It’s up there on the list right next to getting enough sleep and relaxing. According to the National Institutes of Health databases, it is estimated that Vitamin D deficiency affects 42% of the US population. This is super problematic because “in order to have a calm mood and avoid colds and autoimmunity, we need to have healthy vitamin D levels” (Vora, 2022). It is critical for our overall health.
I’m a firm believer in a regular “sunshine walk” around my neighborhood when the weather cooperates. More research is needed to really determine how anxiety and vitamin D are linked, but I advocate for sunshine walks for two reasons. One, in addition to manufacturing vitamin D, it incorporates movement in nature which also assists with mood improvement. Two, it’s easy. It costs no money at all and only takes a small amount of your time, so why not give it a try, and see if it changes anything for you. Do it first thing in the morning and let natural light wake you up instead of immediately checking emails or Instagram while rolling out of bed. Modern life is a recipe for anxiety. With excessive time spent behind a computer, many grocery store foods lacking the nutritional elements our bodies need, and boundaries being seen as laziness in work environments, it’s no wonder so many of us are struggling with our mental health. We have to be curious about the coping skills that work best for us and intentional about making them part of our regular routine.
If you’re struggling to find methods that work best with your anxiety, you can email me or contact our office. I’m happy to share resources and normalize how anxiety can really detour your wellness goals, because “ain’t that the truth. I resonate.” Alternatively, you can set up an appointment for anxiety therapy.
References
Forrest, K. Y., & Stuhldreher, W. L. (2011). Prevalence and correlates of vitamin D deficiency in US adults. Nutrition research (New York, N.Y.), 31(1), 48–54. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.nutres.2010.12.001
Vora, E. (2022). Anatomy of anxiety: Understanding and overcoming the body's fear response.
Orion Books.