An Enneagram Guide for Self-Care: Type 9

WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP
San Antonio Lead Therapist

Welcome to the final part of this blog series!  If you are just arriving and have not already identified your Enneagram type, I strongly recommend going back and also reading about Type 1, Type 2, Type 3, Type 4, Type 5, Type 6, Type 7 and Type 8.  To recap, I am explaining all 9 Enneagram types and sharing personality specific self-care recommendations for each type.  Many of these self-care ideas have been pulled from Christina S. Wilcox’s book, Take Care of Your Type.  If these blogs resonate with you, you will LOVE her work.  Understanding the different personality types will arm you with the knowledge to better replenish your unique emotional needs.  It will also help you nurture and show empathy towards your partner’s needs.  When trying to determine your type, it might be helpful to remember that you probably have a little bit of each type inside of you.  The core desires, fears, and motivations that surface the most emotion as you read them will determine your dominant type.   

In this blog, we are moving on to Type 9…

Type 9: The Peacemaker  

 

Peacemakers are the ones that unintentionally blend into the background. Surprisingly, they are rather stubborn and opinionated; but they don’t feel the need to explain or defend themselves when talking with others.  They go with the flow and can easily take on the attributes of those around them.  Being very conflict avoidant, they will rarely share their own beliefs and values.  If they sense even the slightest bit of tension in the room, they will whip out their reflective listening skills or politely nod in agreeance.  Even just advocating for a restaurant they want to try can be hard for peacemakers, so they hate getting the question, “where do you want to eat?”  They make phenomenal partners and friends because they can prioritize others’ needs and truly listen to understand; but they can have a hard time with individualism and understanding their true personality traits and desires.   

Type 9s are often relaxed and optimistic about the world.  They can be ambitious while also feeling content with where they are in the present moment.  Responsibility and growth are things that they want to obtain, but the accompanied pressure that comes with this can feel intimidating.  Type 9s lose energy at an expeditious rate and have difficulty verbalizing a state of overwhelm.  It is hard for Peacemakers to see the value that they contribute to a group because bigger, bolder personalities can make them feel overshadowed and unimportant.  Ultimately, Type 9s tend to choose the path of least resistance and are drawn to ideas that make them feel grounded and will produce a sense of peace. 

Self-Care Recommendations:

Self-affirm with the words, “my presence matters.”

Make a list of three risks that scare you.  Circle the one that has the most potential to help you grow.  Set a deadline to try the one you picked. 

Brain dump your anxious, stressed thoughts into a notebook.  Don’t worry about your words sounding “important” enough. 

Voice your preferences. 

Give yourself permission to be alone and recharge at least once a week. 

Respond to the journal prompt, “why am I doing the things that I am doing?”

Commit to a lifestyle shift.  Make that one positive habitual change that you have been putting off and find someone to hold you accountable for progress. 

Tell your therapist you want to better understand what is getting in the way of advocating for your own needs. 

Choose the restaurant for the group at least one out of every five times. 

Write the words, “others’ opinions do not determine my worth” on a post-it note.  Stick it on your bathroom mirror or somewhere you will see it each day.

Embrace vulnerability with your friends.  Share something more personal with your people so they can get to know the REAL you. 

Use open-ended question cards to help you have deeper conversations with those you love.

Do a life audit.  Are you satisfied with your choices? Are you happy with your daily routine?  Does your job align with your physical and mental health goals?  If you answer “no” to any of these questions, make a change.

Leave the unhealthy relationship.  Set boundaries around toxic behaviors and be willing to walk away from people, if needed. 

Repeat after me, “my needs are important.” 

Why Self-Care is Important for a Type 9

Type 9s are known for pushing themselves past their limits because they want to succeed, but they have trouble communicating what they really want.  They can be easily taken advantage of because know they tend to say “yes” to whatever is presented in front of them.   They can end up in situations that they really do not like because they were unable to advocate for their own needs.  Over time, Peacemakers can experience self-numbing in order to avoid conflict with others.  They are known to isolate and have mastered the ability to suppress their feelings.  Intentional self-care is imperative for a Type 9 because it allows them to pursue their passions in life and truly experience growth.  Getting in touch with their emotions, both positive and negative, can help Peacemakers better understand their needs and make more informed choices.  When Type 9s take time to re-charge, introspect, and challenge negative beliefs about themselves, they can become the successful diplomats and leaders that we need in this world. 

If your partner is a Type 9, remember that they have a hard time being honest about their thoughts and emotions.  They are terrified that advocating for their own needs might rock the boat in your relationship.  They need you to help cultivate a safe space for them to speak up.  Helping them do this within your relationship can also help them do this with others in the future.  Once they see that it is often safe to talk about controversial topics and have a less popular opinion, it will become easier for them to use their voice, be unafraid of mistakes, and more frequently express their feelings.  Allow the Peacemaker in your life plenty of time and space to process their anxiety about conflict.  Avoid making them feel guilty or embarrassed for how conflict affects them and often remind them that you are there to support them without criticism or judgment.  Let them tell their stories in full without interruptions.  Listen to them.  Remember the details.  React to their experiences.  Offer follow-up questions to show them you are interested and that their thoughts are valuable.  Most importantly, when engaging with your Type 9 partner, offer authentic honestly.  It is okay to disagree with their opinions.  In fact, it is really helpful for them to experience opposition in a safe, non-scary, way.  It shows them conflict is manageable and that you are there to support them regardless of disagreements. 

A skilled therapist can help support you through adult therapy. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.